Princess Canada
by RottingXWings
Summary: Follow America as he stuffs his face and tries to save Canada from the evil step-mother that is Prussia... And by Prussia, I mean Prussia in a dress, not Fem!Prussia. ;D Main chars: Prussia, America, Canada, Hungary, England, many more!
1. Chapter 1

** AN: H-hello. This is actually 5 parts of the story... XD Merged into one because I want longer chapters. If you stalk me and find where else I'm publishing it, you'll get updates more often and you'll see illustrations for each chapter~ ;D But I doubt you can find me. In any case, this is like... A play. The guys are really guys, just dressed as girls and pretending to be girls. Um, whatever. XD Enjoy?.. Review, please. **

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far from here, lived a princess. She was beautiful, smart, kind, athletic, cute and whatever other good qualities you know. She was also a good loser, a country and an invisible person. She was Canada. No one cared that he was a guy because he's an uke.  
>She lived with her evil step=mother, Prussia, and her meanie step-sister, Spain, who kept calling her a taco and stealing her food. Her step-mother was the evil queen and thus it was her duty to always be away invading other countries' vital regions.<br>Canada also had a servant who was the only real girl in the story: Hungary. She was very kind, caring and only insulted people in Hungarian so that they wouldn't get offended. And they didn't, except Prussia who got offended at everything.  
>Finally, Canada had a friend. It was a neighbor, a prince named America. He was a total show-off, constantly ate hamburgers, fought with his mother, refused to become one with Mother Russia, was a tad selfish and a bit crazy, but otherwise he was the nicest guy ever and Canada loved him deeply. America had a servant named China. I'm getting bored and you all know him, so let's skip to some interesting events instead.<br>"Why in bloody hell am I a damn woman? In a dress? I REFUSE to play this role!" a harsh voice roared. Prussia just LOVED his role. "I do NOT!"  
>"Uh... May... May I enter?" an ignored, hesitant voice asked sheepishly.<p>

"NOOO! Stay-!" Commandeda hysterical shriek. Prussia tried to kill the story teller for saying this. But her reaction was late and her adorable step-daughter had already entered and stared at Prussia, who had just removed her velvet dress, refusing to take on her role. Canada blushed.  
>"Um..." the blond princess started, but couldn't finish her umming.<br>"Get out!" Prussia shouted, pushing the poor girl out of the room as a pale blush colored her cheeks too. "What goddamn blush?"  
>The frustrated lady pulled her dress back on and came out of the room. Canada was still standing in the corridor, perplex, hugging her bear. His bear. Its bear. Whatever.<br>"What in bloody hell do you want?" the step-mother glanced agressively at the young girl. A sign of tears appeared at the corners of the gentle, pure purple eyes.  
>"Um... Sister Spain... T-told me that you... Wanted to talk... To me?.." Canada's voice trembled.<br>"Now why would I-?"shrieked Prussia, forgeting that she REALLY REALLY wanted to see Canada just a while ago. "I did not-!"  
>Of course she did. Hopefully, at that moment, someone pushed Spain on scene to save the stupid queen.<br>"Mother, you were bored and you-" she started in a fakely girlish voice.  
>"Like hell I was! I didn't want to be in this stupid story, I wanted to sleep with-" but we never learned with whom the evil step-mother wanted to sleep with.<p>

With a deep sigh of exasperation, the evil step-mother gave up on trying to save her manly reputation and glanced at the script.  
>"Riiiight. I was bored," she nodded absently at Spain. "And thus I decided that we should play a game."<br>Everybody stared at her incredulously. The heavy silence was interrupted by the boot that Russia threw at the woman from behind the scene.  
>"What kind of game, Mistress Prussia?" Hungary asked calmly.<br>"Mistress Prussia" got a heart-attack for getting called so. When she woke up, she fought with Hungary. No one won, at least from Prussia's opinion.  
>"I'll lock up Canada in a tower and we'll have fun watching that idiot America struggle to free her!" the dark-minded country declared, proud of her excellent idea.<br>"But..." a timid voice started to reply, interrupted by the loud approval of everyone in the room but Canada. Prussia immediately decided that "but" was a synonym for "what a great idea!" and told her step-daughter to go get her stuff. Poor Canada had to go get her pink dresses and pretend to be happy so that no one would hit her.  
>She also took a photo o America, her beaver hat, her canoe and a drawing of the mounted police. Carrying her heavy suitcase downstairs without complaining, she almost fell down the stairs, losing her balance.<br>When she arrived in the living room, she gasped silently in an ignored horror.

"Mother, there's dirt on your dress!" Canada exclaimed as she hugged the witch who had the honour of being her mom.  
>"Don't call me mother! I'm a man!" England cried, struggling to get out of her hug.<br>"Give that up," Prussia recommended in a dark voice. "The storyteller is a stubborn idi-"  
>Suddenly, the lamp fell on Prussia's head and England decided to give up on proving his manhood. Hungary and Spain explained the situation to the black-wigged witch while Canada cleaned her dress. Prussia was inconcious. "I'm sleeping!"<br>"I like that idea," said England after hearing Prussia's plan. She immediately used her magic to make a magic red bus appear and made everyone climb on it.  
>Prussia wanted to drive, but Hungary knocked him out for safety and declared that she would drive. Spain declared that she was too violent to drive and that the only good driver here was herself. The witch announced that it was her bus, so she should drive. They fought and knocked each other out. England won the fight, but then she tripped on the border of her black dress and knocked herself out. Before dying- uh, I mean, falling inconcious, she called her daughter to her side. Canada listened to her last words, holding her weak hand as tears flooded from her eyes.<br>"You... must... drive..." her mother commanded as her eyes closed slowly.

Canada couldn't drive, but she didn't have anyone to tell that to. She carefully sat on the very borderof the driver's seat, hesitating. Her frail hands trembled as she took a deep breath.  
>Half an hour later, Prsussia woke up. The bus had moved some 500 meters. Backwards.<br>"What in blue hell is this?" she shouted. Canada was driving at 1 km/h. Spain, Hungary and the witch woke up from her pointless shriek.  
>"You should drive slower," Spain suggested.<br>"You should drive faster," Hungary denied.  
>"You shouldn't listen to them, darling," England assured her.<br>"You shouldn't drive at all! Get off this seat!" Prsussia concluded, roughly kicking her step-daughter off the driver's seat and jumping on it (the seat, not Canada, unfortunately). "Ein, Zwei, Drei, Vier! Here we go!"  
>Even if the others didn't understand that trying to stop Prussia now would have been dangerous for their safety, they wouldn't have tried stopping the madwoman. The brutal start-Prussia decided that 300 kmh was a good speed-threw them all to the back of the bus on top of each other. Canada peered from under England's black wig, Spain was on top of Hungary, England struggled to get up, clumsily lifting her dress. The princess smiled. Maybe this would be fun after all?..


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Chapter two for those interested... Thank you to all who looked at, reviewed or asked for alerts on my story! I think it gets better with time as it was written on a long period of time... Also, the more you review, the faster I update. ;D Hint, hint. Enjoy!**

This whole scene was witnessed by America's incredibly awesome servant: China. He regretted not accepting the step-mother's role, wearing a dress looked fun. "It does not, aru!"  
>Shaken by the events, shocked by the cruel step-mother's plan, he came back to his master.<br>"Yo!" America greeted him in a loud voice. "So? Did you buy hamburgers?"  
>"Yes, aru," his servant answered. "I have also brought horrible news, master."<br>But his blue-eyed master declared that bad news weren't good for his appetite and that they'd wait until later. As he swallowed the dinner bought by China, the fidel servant still told him all that he had witnessed. He knew nothing could spoil him master's appetite. When America hear that Prussia wanted to lock Canada in a tower, he jumped off his chair.  
>"Hai shash shafe shmer! Hai mmh she shmeerm!" he exclamed, his mouth full. He sat down, swallowed the food and jumped up again.<br>"I shall save her! I am the hero!" he translated. Then he lost his balance, fell down and made both China and the table fall on top of himself. Fortunately, his servant was very agile, so he climbed out of the mess and freed his master, too.  
>"I'm a hero!" America proudly announced as soon as he got up. Then he exited the house to get the car, leavin gChina to clean the mess.<br>"Aru," the Asian smiled.

The cellphone whacked Canada right in the face. After all, practice makes perfect and Prussia threw things at her all the time.  
>"Call the number I'll tell yoyu and throw the cellphone back!" Prussia shouted. She didn't have to shout, but she always did.<br>Meanwhile, Canada was struggling to turn the cellphone on with her only free hand. Her other hand was stuck under Spain.  
>"Drei! Vier! Ein! Funf! Zwei! Ocht! Vier!" the purple-haired woman commanded.<br>Canada didn't understand a thing. Fortunately, Hungary did, so she entered the number and sent the phone flying right into Prussia's eye. With a shriek, the step-mother fell from her seat and the bus made a sudden right turn. Fortunately, the red-eyed madwoman jumped back on the seat, perfectly ok, already shouting into the phone. After showing a fist to Hungary (we need some censor in the story so let's pretend she only showed her a fist), she made an incredible left turn and continued driving, as crazily as before.  
>No one knew who Prussia had called, but she seemed satisfied. After one more call, she grinned wildly and refused to reveal the identities of the people she had just called.<br>"They're the ones who'll make all this adventure fun," she vaguely precised with a scowl. Canada didn't like that smile.

It was pretty easy to see where England's bus had passed. Thanks to Prussia's awesome kick-ass driving, you just had to follow the path of destroyed cars, houses and trees he had created. Not very complicated. Besides, Hungary had left them a map with the way to follow so that they wouldn't get lost.  
>So how did America end up before a MacDonald's?<br>Ignoring China's feeble protests, his master the prince dragged him inside the building. As he explained, even great heroes and their butlers needed to eat once in a while. He already forgot that he ate dinner some five minutes ago.  
>Just as America started ordering, the ground trembled under their feet.<br>"Huh?" the hero's sky-blue eyes widened.  
>With along rumble, the ceiling shattered, crumbled and finally fell apart, letting a dark shadow jump onto a table. Everyone stared at it in horror as it laughed with a deep, evil voice and the dust settled down. But they didn't see who it was because the table broke and he fell down, swearing at Italy even though he wasn't there.<br>"I am the monster number 2982," Germany finally stood up.  
>"Why number 2982, aru?" China asked.<br>"Well, there's a monster in every fairytale, so we have code numbers to be different."

"Whatever! I didn't understand, but I'm the hero!" America declared, pointing at himself with his gloved finger, winking at the camera and smiling.  
>Everyone stared at America, waiting for him to say something. But he didn't move or talk.<br>"I'm evil," Germany suggested.  
>"I don't care! But you harmed the sacred place that is MacDonald's, the Hamburger Temple, and its customers! You have angered me by doing so and for that, you shall pe-" the blue-eyed prince finally started, but the table on which he was standing broke too, interrupting him.<br>"Aru! Master, aru you aruright, aru?" China bounced towards the broken table.  
>"The hero is aruways- er, I mean, always aru- gah, screw it! Always alright!" America stuttered.<br>"Aru you saru?" his servant looked at the hero's dusty costume.  
>"Stop it, you're mixing me up-! As I was saying, you shall perish!" the young man with dark blond hair declared.<br>"W-wah! I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to anger you so, aru-! Uh- I mean, aru, no, well, it's a habit, aru, wah-! I'm sorry!" China stuttered and broke down in tears before America could explain himself. The monster was being ignored.

"Not you! Why would you perish? The monster n° 2289 will-!" The hero explained, hugging China in a protective way.  
>"I'm n° 2982! Get it right!" Germany shouted.<br>"Yes, yes, 2892, right," America agreed.  
>"No! N° 2982! 2! 9! 8! 2!" the "monster" argued.<br>"Oh, 29822982. I see, sorry," the prince conceded.  
>"I am n° 2982!" his adversary roared.<br>"A-hah! I understand! Fine then: I will kill the monster n° 2892!" the blue-eyed country stated.  
>"No! Why me? WHY ME-E-E?" a purple ball of fur screamed, appearing on America's head out of thin air. "I-I don't w-want to diiiiie! Ple-please! I d-didn't d-d-d-do any-anything baaaad!"<br>"Who aru you?" China asked the random creature.  
>"I-I… H-He… I-I'm the monster n° 2892!" the thing stuttered, bursting into tears. "I-I'll call the SPCA!"<br>"Don't worry, America-san won't hurt you," China reassured it.  
>After his servant and the purple monster got out of their way, Germany and America took epic stances, preparing for the combat you wanted to see 2 pages ago.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

** AN: Hello! I'm so sorry I'm lateeeee! *bows to you all forever* School is a pain, and other things are too. I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Ah, I've been asked how come I say Prussia's hair is purple when he's albino... It's because a lot of fanart of him has purple hair, and I dicovered hetalia through a purple-haired Prussia picture, so I apologize, but you'll have to deal with purple-haired Prussia! Sorry! ^^ I'm used to thinking of him as a purple-haired albino. Weird much?**

The tension could be felt in the air. The two adversaries locked gazes, facing each other. Ready to fight, they awaited the other's move.

In a swift movement, the hero took out the ultimate weapon and in a split second, he was behind the monster. No one really saw what happened then.

"We're outta here, " was the last thing China heard before his master dragged him out of the fast-food restaurant.

A loud explosion marked their exit, blowing up the McDonald's behind their backs. Germany flew off, propelled by the explosion, yelling "Italy-y!" even though he still wasn't there.

"A hamburger with explosives," Canada's Southern neighbor explained proudly to his stunned servant who wasn't stunned.

"We should get out of here before the police catches us, aru," he stated.

And so they did. Not like the police cared anyway. After getting lost and stopping at some more fast-foods, the prince and his butler… Ran out of gas. Not very epic, but realistic.

At the gas station, they found Germany.

"Fight me! I'm-!" he started.

"Now, seriously," America sighed in an exhausted voice and Germany stopped annoying the hero.

Meanwhile, the red bus was already destroying the trees that had the misfortune to be planted alongside the bumpy high-way. Prussia was still driving. She wouldn't be if she hadn't ran over the policeman who wanted to stop her, but she had, so she was still driving.

Suddenly, the mint bunny flew into her face very inconveniently.

"ENGLAND-! Where in goddamn bloody hell did the f*cking rabbit come from, you bastard?" the step-mother shrieked, trying to get the animal out of her face.

"It's a bunny… Why, it came from the bus' second floor," the witch explained.

Prussia's driving didn't become much more awful from the mammal's intervention, but it did worsen a bit when the unicorn ran down the stairs and onto her too.

"Get that f-! M-mh! M-mmh!" the aggressive red-eyed woman cried, the m-s resulting in the bunny's new intervention.

"I wonder what's making them so nervous… There must be something upstairs," the animals' owner answered, ignoring her friend's demand. "And why are they sticking to a freak like you?"

"That's because he looks like you," Hungary suggested, ignoring Canada who warned her that "ins-sulting w-w-witches… I-it's… I-I… H-he… U-unwise…"

Canada decided to hide behind Spain just in case. Spain didn't protest because she was drunk.

"I'll go upstairs to see what scared them," the witch announced after throwing her wand at the servant and receiving it back in the face.

"B-be c-careful…" Canada stuttered.

"What did you say?" England questioned, because at that precise moment, Prussia showed off her driving skills by bumping into a stop-sign.

"B-b-be…" the princess started.

"A bee?.. Beer?.. Be gone?.. Beast?.. Beauty?.. Beef?.. Bean sprout?.. Been there, done that?.." her mother suggested between more stuttering and negative shakes of the blond head.

"Be ca-ca…" She moved on.

"Canada?" Hungary stepped into the conversation and onto Spain's head.

"W-what?" the princess answered.

"Be Canada?" the servant suggested. "Like, become one with Father Canada or something…"

"NO! Be careful!" Father Canada's cheeks turned red.

"Yaoi, uh, I mean, yuri," Prussia mocked the princess who blushed even more. "Go already, you b- I mea, witch."

England muttered something under her breath, stabbed the evil albino with her wand and went upstairs. She didn't come down.

"She's not coming down," Hungary stated.

"Why would she come down after 5 seconds?" Prussia shouted. "Be patient."

Hungary searched the bus for an object she could throw at the driver. Canada hid in a corner just in case, but the servant still saw her. After staring at the princess for a few seconds, she decided that Canada wasn't throwable.

"Let's go see what she's doing," she proposed instead. "Who wants to go?"

No one answered.

Canada hid even further in a corner.

"Hooray for tacos~" the drunk Spain laughed.

"Spain it is," Prussia smirked as Hungary dragged Canada's step-sister towards the stairs.

She didn't come back either.

"She didn't come back either," Hungary complained, not even bothering to wait 5 seconds like last time.

"I wonder where they are," Prussia groaned.

And they both stared at Canada.

"…E-eto?" the princess looked back at them.

She didn't come down either.

"Go," Prussia ordered. Hungary disobeyed and continued trying to drag her mistress upstairs by her hair. Which was pretty unsuccessful, but a bit annoying for the evil albino who was still driving and still not looking at the road.

Finally, the servant agreed to go upstairs. Her footsteps, interrupted by a short cry, were followed by a dark silence. The evil step-mother didn't know what to do. So she decided to go to sleep. Well, she didn't really decide to on her own free will. Let's say that an expert ninja hand landed a blow on the back of her head, forcing her into sleep.

"Gomenasai, I'm just doing my job…" Japan apologized, poker-faced as always. Prussia didn't answer. How very impolite of her.

Prussia awoke 10 minutes later as her cellphone rang, announcing a call by barking her anthem into her ear. Silly person, sleeping on her phone.

"Mmyeah hello who the f*ck is this?" she roared.

"Master, I knocked them all out," Japan's calm voice replied at the same time from the phone and the seat behind Prussia.

"You- You knocked out the wrong people! Including me!"  
>"Oh?"<br>"And you've been calling me for 10 minutes and the f*cking phone was ringing RIGHT NEXT TO YOU and you didn't notice? Oh God."


End file.
